Can't Break Free
by THE STAR FREEDOM
Summary: HIATUS For doomed love, for the boy with the name of a star and the girl who died before her time, for love so unique that two people were never the same.
1. One

"I hate myself for loving you, can't break free from the things that you do. I wanna walk, but I run back to you. That's why I hate myself for loving you."

I am very excited about this new story! I have been working on it for a while and finally felt the need to upload it. As a rule, there will be no regular uploads because I do not want to upload something just for the sake of uploading it even if I hate it. I would love constructive criticism for this story. Thank you all so much! Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

"Shit…" Marlene rolled in bed to face the ceiling. Her eyes were still closed because her head was pounding. Putting her hand to her head, she slowly opened her eyes and saw a room that wasn't her own. Last night she had come over to help Mrs. Potter put up Christmas decorations and prepare for the Marauders and the eventual New Year's party James would be throwing. James had talked her into staying longer than planned. She had stayed for dinner -much to Mrs. Potter's excitement- and sipped Firewhiskey with James until the early hours of the morning when she stumbled into one of the guest bedrooms.

When Marlene looked to her right, her eyes widened and tried to slip out of bed as quickly and quietly as possible. However, Marlene McKinnon is not known for her graceful manner. In fact, she is known to be the clumsiest girl in her year. So as Marlene rolls out of the bed, she forgets to land on her feet and falls onto the wooden floor completely naked, hitting her head on the nightstand on her way down. "Fuck!"

There is a rustling from the bed. Marlene quietly gathers her clothes from the floor, sliding on her bra and knickers before standing up to put on her skirt and shirt. "McKinnon, what are you doing?"

"Nothing, Black, because this," she motioned between the two of them with her hand after pulling on her shirt, "never happened." She begins frantically searching around the room. "Where the fuck are my shoes?" She feels lips attach to the back of her neck and hands rest on her hips. "What are you doing, Black?"

"Calming you down. You're far too uptight, McKinnon."

"You quite seemed to like me being tight last night."

The kisses stopped. "Thought you said it never happened."

_Shit_. "Just help me find my shoes, Black, so I can get out of here." She turned around to face him, then immediately closed her eyes, "Why are not wearing any bloody pants, Black?"

She can practically feel him smirking, "Didn't seem to bother you last night."

"_Never. Happened,_" Marlene forced words through her gritted teeth. "Now find my fucking shoes and put on some pants." She stood -silent and still- until she felt and heard something land beside her feet. "Are you wearing pants?"

"You'll just have to find out."

Marlene reluctantly opened her eyes, not seeing Sirius in front of her at all, she slipped on her shoes and headed for the door.

"If you go out that way, Mum will see you. It's only a few minutes to nine, so she'll be waking me and James up soon."

"Well, I'm not jumping out the fucking window, this is the third floor." Marlene turned on her heel, seeing Sirius lying bare on the bed, with his hands stretched out behind his head and his legs far apart. "Merlin, Sirius!" She looks up to the ceiling. "What is it with you and pants?"

"Too constricting. I like to be _free_."

"Of course you do, you little shit. Now how am I going to leave if the hallway isn't a viable option?" Marlene found herself very content with counting the little white dots that littered the white ceiling, but she had to leave. She was meeting Lily in half an hour at the Leaky Caldron to buy last minute Christmas presents for their yearly get-together with the other Gryffindor girls in their year.

When she heard him get off the bed and walk towards her, her chest tightened and her mind reeled.

"Look me in the eyes, and I'll think about getting you out of this house so that you can meet Lily."

Her eyes snapped to meet his. He stood a good six inches above her and wasn't far away, so it was easy to look into his eyes and not anything else. "How did you know about that?"

The ever-present smirk on his face grew, "You mentioned it last night. I had to convince you not to floo home because it was four in the morning, and you tend to ramble nonsense at four in the morning."

It took her a few moments to respond because she didn't know what to say to the person she had sworn herself she would never sleep with, but did.

"Well, I'm looking at you now. What is your _brilliant _idea to get me home?"

Sirius took a few steps closer, and Marlene's chest tightened even more, her eyes determined not to leave his. "As soon as we walk out that door, everything that happened in here never happened. That's what you want?" Marlene nodded with the most confidence she'd ever had. "Alright then." He leaned down and kissed her passionately once more.

Marlene wasn't sure what to do at first. But in seconds everything crashed upon her like a wave crashes into the sand. She put her hands on his face and pulled it closer. Her tongue battled his for a moment before he pulled away with a smirk.

"I'll go put on some pants."

Marlene's heart was beating as if she had just run a marathon. She turned to face the white door and waited on Sirius. His lips reconnected with the side of her neck for a few minutes, sucking and biting, trying to make her moan. And as soon as she let out the breath she'd been holding -which was fast and thin- he stopped, smirking into her neck and saying, "C'mon McKinnon."

He stepped outside the door and motioned her out. She followed him silently to a set of stairs she had never known existed.

"Mr. Potter will have left for the Ministry ages ago, so his office will be empty. It's on the second floor, and his fireplace is connected to the Floo Network," Sirius says emotionlessly as he leads her down the stairs and down the hallway. They walk in silence for a few minutes after that before Sirius points to a door on his left. "In here." The pair slip inside, Sirius closing the door behind Marlene.

Beside the fireplace is a pot of floo powder. Marlene takes a pinch in her right hand, but she quickly points to Sirius as if she's forgotten something. "Nothing happened." A small smile makes its way on his face. She turns to the fireplace and tosses the powder in, emerald flames now before her. "McKinnon Household!"

Keeping her elbows tight to her side, she steps into the fire, and after a few hundred whizzing fireplaces before her, she lands in her own. From the fireplace, she can see her parents in the kitchen.

"MARLENE MARIE MCKINNON, WHERE THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Her mother was always the one to yell. Her father was usually very quiet.

Another thing Marlene is known for is her rambling.

"Mum, I meant to owl you. I'm so sorry. You know I was at the Potters. I was helping Mrs. Potter with decorations and preparations for all of James' shenanigans. You know how James is with all of his shenanigans. Everything has to be perfect. Anyways that's really just how James is, gets it from his mum he does. But we got to talking, and by the time we quit it was half one in the morning, and I didn't want to wake you guys up, so James let me stay in one of the guest rooms. Please tell me I can still meet my friends and buy presents with Lily in," Marlene pauses from her rant momentarily to look at the clock on the wall, "fifteen minutes."

Her father chuckles and walks towards her, embracing her. "Of course, sweetheart. I believe you, and even if I didn't, I wouldn't ask because you lot do some weird things."

Marlene giggles. "Yeah, but those weird things are how you fell for mum, wasn't it?" Her father was a muggle, whom her pureblooded mother had met in the summer before her seventh year and had gotten disowned for marrying.

"You know it," he winks at her, "now go get bundled up. Never did know if you lot could get colds, but I'd rather not find out. I'll have something for you to eat real quick before you leave. Right, love?"

"Thanks, dad," he kisses the top of her head before she bounds up the stairs and goes to the very end of a quite long hallway. Marlene was the last of six kids: four boys and two girls. William was the oldest, then there was Michael, next was Michelle, then Allen, Justin, and Marlene. Justin was two years older than her and had graduated from school this past June.

So now it was just Marlene and her parents and their house had never seemed more roomy. Until tomorrow, when they all start arriving with their significant others and children (if they had them) for their yearly Christmas Day celebration. Everyone always arrived throughout the day on Christmas Eve to help sort through everything and prepare for the next day.

But tonight was her yearly celebration with her friends. Two days just before Christmas, like always, and Marlene and Lily had yet to finish their shopping, like always. They would get all the presents they needed to get, come back to Marlene's, get ready, then head to Alice Fortescue's house. It was tradition and had been ever since the Christmas of their second year.

Marlene quickly changed into warm, covering clothing with her Gryffindor scarf around her neck and a black hat -knitted by Lily- over her curly blonde hair. Quickly running back downstairs, money pouch in her gloved hand, she ate the bagel her father had toasted for her, kissed both her parents farewell before flooing to the Leaky Caldron.

"Marlene!" a redhead attacked Marlene in a hug, causing her to almost stumble back into the fire. "It's been too long!"

"It's only been a week, Lils, calm down." Lily releases her hold on Marlene just so that she can slap her on the arm.

"A week is a long time not to see your best friend. Especially when you live in a house with Petunia."

"Don't worry, dear," Marlene smiles at the redhead and links their arms together, "we have all day together."


	2. Two

**Chapter 2**

Marlene flooed home with one bag filled with the gifts from her friends that night. Her parents were already asleep in their room on the first floor, so Marlene went up the stairs quickly so that she could go to sleep. Once her family got her with all of her nieces and nephews, she wouldn't be able to sleep until they were gone.

Marlene flicked on the light in her room, startled when she saw Sirius sitting on the edge of her bed with a lit wand in his hand, flipping through the picture album Dorcas had gotten Marlene for her birthday this past year.

"What the hell are you doing here!?" Marlene whisper-yelled at him, slowly shutting the door behind her, snatching the book from his hands, and putting it on the desk in the corner of her room with her bag of gifts.

He didn't say anything. He just started snogging her against her door. Marlene responded instantly without thinking it through logically. Normally she was very logical, but it had seemed to melt away within the past few days. With one hand, he snatched the hat off her head, then with both hands, he began feeling up underneath her shirt.

"Sirius, we can't." She pulled her face away breathlessly.

"Why?"

" . . . my parents are downstairs. They'll hear." Sirius smirked, letting her go from his grasp. He picked his wand up from the floor, and he cast a silencing spell on the room and a locking spell on the door.

Within seconds, he was back in front of her, snogging her so hard she thought her brain might melt and fall out her ears.

But she wasn't resisting.

She wasn't resisting, but neither of them cared in that moment.

[line]

"Give me a few minutes, and I'll be out of your hair McKinnon." He wanted to promise her this wouldn't happen again but he couldn't. This girl had already shagged him more than any other had in the amount of time she had. He wasn't the attached type who shagged a girl twice within two days, or shagged a girl once and then showed up in her room uninvited and shagged her so hard he had to have recovery time to get up and leave.

After a few minutes of Marlene and Sirius lying next to each other in her bed, he stood up slowly and collected his clothes. Marlene didn't want to look at him. She felt disgusted. Not with Sirius, but with herself. She should have told him to leave as soon as she saw him, but she didn't and now she was lying naked in her bed, with Sirius Black headed for her window, picking up his scarf and transfiguring it into a rope ladder, and swinging it out her window. "Later, McKinnon."

_Later_. Because there would be a later. Because of James and the Potters and school and the New Year's Eve party at James' mansion of a house. Marlene hated herself in that moment. She had actually never hated herself more than in that moment. She ripped her dressing gown off her bedroom door and went to open her door but it wouldn't budge.

"Bloody fucker," she cursed quietly, searching for her wand to reverse the locking spell on the door and the silencing spell on her room, then went to go take a shower to get all of the Sirius off of her.

* * *

Christmas Eve was hectic. Christmas Day was wonderfully relaxing. William and his new wife were there, Michael was there with new scars from his job as an Auror, Michelle and her husband were there with their two year old boy and new baby girl, Allen was there with his wife and seven month old twin boys, and Justin was there with his very pregnant wife.

The day after Christmas, the entire family (all sixteen of them) were at St. Mungo's hospital. Justin's wife -Joanne- had gone into labor that morning. Eighteen hours later, at ten in the evening, little baby Niomi McKinnon was welcomed into the world by her very large family.

Marlene took loads of pictures of the new baby. Her mum had insisted that she take one of Niomi and Marlene to put in her album.

When Marlene and her parents returned home, she retreated to her room immediately. Normally she stuck around with her parents and chatted because she genuinely enjoyed their company, but today she didn't want to be around anyone. She wanted to sleep because when she was sleeping, she wouldn't be thinking.

* * *

For the next few days, Marlene shut herself away in her room, wanting to sulk in her room and pretend she was doing the coursework McGonagall had assigned them to do over the holidays. She knew she would have to get out on New Year's Eve. She would leave around noon with everything she needed to get ready for the party and head over to Alice's where they would get ready together.

Marlene still hadn't convinced Lily to come this year, to which James was greatly disappointed. Dorcas was going as usual but was going to have to show up an hour or so late due to prior engagements. However Mary would be with Alice and Marlene getting ready. She wouldn't be going because she had to meet her boyfriend's parents that evening, but wanted to get ready with the two girls regardless.

But that was nearly two days away. She had time to pull herself together before then. So she flicked the lights off and curled into her bed.


End file.
